Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Emotionally Stuck

I talked to our cw today about the boys M & C. The situation has changed a little in regards to their birthparents and we could be looking at reunification. If that becomes the goal, they will not be moved until reunification happens.

I fully admit that this information makes me feel....well....kind of stuck. Sometimes I look at little C and I'm thankful to witness such a special time in his life. Sometimes when M and I are sitting together and he's being quiet and I can snuggle him without protest, it warms my heart.

But....when C is crying out of frustration because I put him on the floor to play with his toys instead of holding him every second of the day or M is throwing a fit because I won't give him milk or juice every single time he asks for it...well, I feel myself pulling away. I get frustrated easily and I just want them both to shut up.

Am I normal? I don't know. I've had these feelings with our oldest fs too. I remember that it took about four months before I felt real love for him. I have grown to love him very much but there are still times I want him to just shut up too.

Heck, there are times I want to tell a lot of people to shut up. There are plenty of times when I should just shut up.

Like now.

1 comment:

HomeFireBlue said...

Oh please. I think at least once a day that I want one of mine to shut up. To just shut up.

Does it mean I love them less, even in that second? NO. Does it matter if child-in-question is bio or not? NO. Is it normal? YES.

Any mother who says she's never felt that way is lying.