Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Well, That Sucked

On Monday, J and I spoke with T's therapist about our issues. No, not our issues with T, our issues with each other. It was hard and I cried (which I didn't want to do) and I got mad and defensive. Afterward, J went about the day as normal but I fumed. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

Yesterday I decided to say something. I told J how I felt that some of what she said wasn't fair. I told her that I wasn't sure how to go about not taking things personally. J thinks I don't trust her and honestly, sometimes I don't. She acts so childish sometimes that I don't trust that she will do the responsible thing. Is that my fault, her fault or are we both to blame?

I guess I should focus less on J's part in this and more on what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to take time for myself and not try to control how J handles things while I'm not around. I'm supposed to stop enabling J - I'm not her mother. And most importantly, I'm supposed to stop seeing J's actions as a reflection on myself. If she wants to act like a fool, that's on her and not a reflection on me.

I'd love to tell you what the therapist said about J and what she needs to do and all the times she totally agreed with me but I won't. It won't help anything.


Tamara said...

Just wanted to stop by and say hi - I'm a foster mom too, and I appreciate the honesty in your blog - it's tough. I noted how you wrote about taking respite care - we are doing that this weekend for the first time since we've had our baby (6 months) - and still are worried a little.

~ bridgette ~ said...

Tamara, I understand the worry but try to enjoy yourself anyway. So far we've only gotten respite care one time in the 2 years we've had T but it didn't kill us.