Thursday, July 27, 2006


Today is T's evaluation. I'm curious to see what Dr. C will have to say and whether he thinks T should be on medication. T has been so much better this week. The whole house is calmer when T is making better choices.

When we started thinking of becoming parents there were so many obstacles to overcome. First, how do we get a kid? It's not like we could ever have an oops baby so this was going to require some planning. Yes, we found a donor and tried IUIs. After 5 months I was pregnant. A couple of weeks later I wasn't pregnant anymore. Anyone who's miscarried a much wanted child will know how much that sucks.

We made the choice to switch donors. We tried again for six months. We were anxious to be parents and just didn't have the patience for this mess anymore. We couldn't afford IVF.

We looked into domestic and international adoption. I really wanted to adopt from Haiti but where was the money going to come from?

Then we learned about our agency and how you can adopt through foster care. It is relatively inexpensive which meant we wouldn't have to go into debt and we could afford to adopt again.

So, you see.....we didn't get into foster care to 'save the children'....we did it because we wanted to be parents. We didn't educate ourselves enough on attachment issues. We were naive and really thought we could handle almost anything.

Man, were we stupid.

We accepted the placement of a 4 year old boy that he lived in at least 3 foster homes before ours. We should have asked more questions. We should have gotten a better evaluation from the start. We should have been more aggressive with our attachment therapy. Or.....we should have passed on the placement.

But, the thing is, we didn't. Now we have to deal with where we are at the moment.

At the moment, we have a funny, smart and hurt boy that is trying the best he knows how to be what we want him to be. He wants us to be proud of him. I hope that means there's some attachment there. I hope that means for all the bad we've done that we've also done some good.

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