Thursday, May 04, 2006

A Confession

You may be surprised in what you are about to read. It is taking a lot for me to admit this and subject myself to what others will think of me.

J and I had a talk last night. Neither of us is happy and haven't been happy for some time. We are not the parents we wanted to be and it kills us that we are still having these problems with T. I know that there are so many factors that affect his behavior but I wonder on a daily basis whether we are the right home for him. We have lost all patience with him and end up yelling far more than we should. How we react to him scares us both. That is not have you react to a child you love.

J tells me that she does not love him - not like she should and I certainly can't love him for the both of us. There are days when she doesn't even like him and I have moments of the same. J even went so far as to say she wants to leave. She does not want to be his parent anymore - she is tapped out. She wants them all to leave. I made a commitment to J long before we made a commitment to T and if she really feels this way, I have to listen.

We want what is best for T and at this point we wonder if another home / different parents / parenting style is what he really needs....not two completely stressed out, controlling parents that have had almost 2 years of his lying and manipulation and have no patience left to show him.

We worry that a move at this point would honestly mess him up. I would never want that for him.

What is the lesser of two evils? Do we admit that we failed him, that we're too weak to deal with his issues and our issues anymore? Do we hold on and risk resentment continuing to grow? Do we hope that therapy and time will fix it all? And what if it doesn't?

I'm tired. I'm scared. I feel like a terrible person.


Anonymous said...

Well, what can I say? I don't think you are a terrible person or JoAnn either. I think you are both being honest. I don't know the solution to the problem, but I think it is better to tell what your real feelings are than to lie.

HomeFireBlue said...

Ditto. I could lay a bunch of assvice on you about how all parenting is difficult and foster parenting can be doubly so, blah, blah, you've gotten it before.

I think you're a fine person, and a fine mom. I think it's cool that you and J are expressing your feelings rather than keeping up a happy show.

I also have no solution but I think y'all are on the right track and I think it will sort itself out.

Good luck. I wish I could help more.