Pants on Fire

Did I mention that my oldest fson T lies? He lies a lot. About everything. Even when he knows he's going to get in trouble for it. If you told him that he wouldn't get a birthday party if he continued to lie......he wouldn't get a birthday party because he just lies all the time.

I know that we tend to set him up to lie so we try really hard not to do that. I give him chances to tell the truth. I praise him when he gives truthful answers but he still lies as the first option. I have had truth right in front of me...in my hands and he still lied. He thinks he's going to get away with it every time. He never learns his lesson and it drives me crazy!

He has issues with food. I'm not going to get into it but let's just say he's not allowed snacks because of it. I have told him that I will always tell anyone that watches him for us that they are NOT allowed to give him snacks and yet he asks them every time.

Why am I bitching about this? Well, J's mother watched him on Monday and he asked for food. She told him that he had to wait until I got home. When I got home she said (in front of him) that he asked for food and I said to him (in front of her), "T knows he's not allowed to have anything between lunch and dinner." I even talked to him about it later that night.

And what did he do today???? He told her that he always gets a snack after school. WTF? Why does he do that?

driving

me

insane

I may later regret posting this. I'm just really angry that this keeps happening. We've tried all sorts of rewards/punishments and I'm not really looking for advice. I just needed to vent.

Emotionally Stuck

I talked to our cw today about the boys M & C. The situation has changed a little in regards to their birthparents and we could be looking at reunification. If that becomes the goal, they will not be moved until reunification happens.

I fully admit that this information makes me feel....well....kind of stuck. Sometimes I look at little C and I'm thankful to witness such a special time in his life. Sometimes when M and I are sitting together and he's being quiet and I can snuggle him without protest, it warms my heart.

But....when C is crying out of frustration because I put him on the floor to play with his toys instead of holding him every second of the day or M is throwing a fit because I won't give him milk or juice every single time he asks for it...well, I feel myself pulling away. I get frustrated easily and I just want them both to shut up.

Am I normal? I don't know. I've had these feelings with our oldest fs too. I remember that it took about four months before I felt real love for him. I have grown to love him very much but there are still times I want him to just shut up too.

Heck, there are times I want to tell a lot of people to shut up. There are plenty of times when I should just shut up.

Like now.

So Very Tired

I just can't seem to get myself motivated to do any actual work this morning. I have things that need to be done but I'm just sort of skating by. It's probably because I was a very good girl yesterday and did some deep cleaning on certain areas of the house. I won't lie and say I cleaned the whole house...just certain areas that had been neglected for a while. I gave all four dogs a bath and did some laundry too.

This weekend I also made another outfit for my friend's daughter. It's way cuter than the last one. I'm really very proud of it and can't wait to show it off. I haven't taken any pictures because I still need to sew the buttons on (actually, I still have to buy the buttons and sew them on) and make something for her son so he doesn't feel left out.

I'm so glad that Tertia asked people about their blogs. I will be making an effort to check out other's blogs and I see that I have had a couple of people drop by - thanks ladies! Hopefully, I'll remember to update my bloglines with any new blogs I start reading.

Anyone else lurking out there?

No Love

I am not feelin' the love for CPS today.

Yesterday was a status hearing on our oldest foster son (the one we intend to adopt). We have had him a year and ten months and were told that the papers that needed to be filed in order to terminate his parental rights had been done in February. As it turns out, they were filed April 18th. We don't need to check our calendars to see that is TWO MONTHS after there were supposed to have been filed.

Now we're being told that the state's attorney has "a line on a possible birthfather" that she will be pursuing and birthmom's attorney will be paying her a little visit in jail. We told her attorney that we'd be willing to send a couple of photos a year and establish a P.O. box so that she can send him letters but, at this point, we would not consider visits.

I know I'm not going to get any negative comments on this because no one reads my little blog but let me just say, unless you've adopted through the foster care system and understand that there is a HUGE difference between an open domestic adoption (where a woman chooses the adoptive parents) and an open adoption through foster care, I really don't want to hear that we're horrible people for not wanting contact with this woman.

We have not been given the next court date - the date that termination should happen - and I'm pretty pissed about it. There is no way he will be adopted this year. He is 6 years old and has been in foster care since he was 18 months old. How is this in the best interest of the child?

Eggs

We just finished dying easter eggs. I was hoping J would be here for the event but the eggs weren't ready in time and she had to go to work early. Knowing this is C's first easter makes me a little sad. I made sure to take photos and hopefully I'll get some good ones tomorrow.


I've put together a little book of the time they spent with us that I will send with them to their new family. I think it's important that they know each home they were in and I'm thankful that T's previous foster homes made a nice scrapbook for him which I have continued.

We have a court date for T on the 19th. I'm hoping the judge is ready to terminate and sets a termination date for some time in May. His birthmom definitely won't be at court since she's currently in jail.

My girl dog, Mollie, has been acting a little weird lately. I think she's a little scared of M & C. Maybe she'll feel a little better if I give her a bath (she's been a little itchy). If not, at least she'll smell better!

I hope everyone (all two of you that read this) have a great easter holiday.

A Hard Decision

Our case worker has not given us much time to decide if we're interested in keeping the boys. Our deadline is Monday. We have talked and talked and have made the hard decision to let them go. Part of me would be happy to continue to parent them but being that I desperately want a girl and how keeping the boys would add quite a bit of waiting time to fulfilling that dream, it's best that they move on to a family that desperately wants two little boys.

I feel so guilty and keep having second thoughts but what's done is done.

Not Much to Say

The sickly dog is at the vet for observation today. Dr. M is evaluating his levels to see if he's getting the right amount of insulin and when he 'peaks' during the day. He's probably just sleeping as he does at home but I hope he's not freaking out all day.

Yesterday we were told that the judge would not let us have the baby girl CPS had chosen us for. I'd like to know how on earth he gets away with blatant discrimination. I've been told that in my state, race is protected but sexual orientation is not. It's so damned depressing. I really want a daughter. If he could just think beyond his own personal prejudices. I think I need to move.

We still have M & C and they seem to be settling in a bit. M still has his temper tantrums but he's quickly learning what 'time out' is all about. We're supposed to let our case worker know if we would consider adopting them (we're supposed to know that after 2 weeks??) because she seems to think reunification with their parents won't happen. I'm taking this with a grain of salt because nothing ever happens quickly as far as foster care and adoption are concerned. We need more time with them before we can judge if they are a good fit for us and vice versa.

Lazy Days

I was such a bum this weekend! I really hated the idea of loading up three kids to go somewhere to spend money I don't have so I didn't go anywhere. Well, we did walk to the subdivision playground on Saturday but that was it. Both days were spent at home. There were moments of crying (from all three boys) and moments of insanity (by me) but I survived!

Wednesday night I bought a mini van. I can't believe I'm a mini van driver! I really loved my car but if we're going to continue to be foster parents I need to know I have the room. I did not have the room in my car. I knew the search was going to be tough because I've grown quite accustomed to my leather interior and sunroof. I knew I wanted automatic sliding doors and I didn't want the price tag of something brand new. I only had to compromise slightly to get something I'm happy with and oldest boy T is really jazzed about sitting in the back by himself.

Other than all that - the sickly dog has taken to barking/whining/being a general PITA at all hours of the night/early morning. He really needs to knock it off or he'll get a squirt of water in the face by one of the many spray bottles we keep around.

Suspicious Minds

Tell me something, is it really too much to ask that you call your significant other before meeting up with friends? Not call to ask permission (I would never suggest that) just to say, "hey, I'm on my way to meet so-and-so at the mall." Wouldn't that be informational? Courteous? Thoughtful?

Would it be too much to assume that the other person would think you were, oh I don't know....possibly trying to hide something when you don't tell them that kind of information? I mean, why else would you purposefully not tell someone you're meeting someone unless you don't want them to know? Especially if said person had previously gone into great detail (while maintaining the utmost composure) that she (or he) would appreciate knowing that bit of information??? Wouldn't you then realize that it would be the nice thing to do to keep the other person from thinking such thoughts?

Or would you tell that person that they're being paranoid and claim that you are the victim because they don't trust you?