It's taken me a week to post this here but here goes...
After 2 years and 4 months, we have made the choice not to adopt our foster son. He was our first placement and this was the hardest decision of our lives.
He was 4 years old when he was placed with us. His previous foster-to-adopt home had said that he didn't bond to them. We thought they just said that to make it easier to move him. We thought that there must have been something about his behavior they didn't like.
He was our first placement....we had no experience with attachment issues, food issues or the highly charming manipulation. We were so naive.
We did attachment therapy (but I can see now we weren't dedicated enough). We policed his every move. We predicted his lies and behavior to his teachers but it fell on deaf ears.
Eventually we got him regular therapy. The teachers came around...we were all working together but it was still falling apart.
I hope, with all my heart, that the family he's with right now are dedicated to making it work with him. I hope they don't have to deal with the lying and manipulation. I hope they can do what we couldn't and that he feels loved and protected enough.
Goodbye T. I hope one day you'll understand that our decision was made with love and lots of hope for your future as well as our own. And I hope (as we've told each other many times) that no matter where you are, you'll always be my boy.