Friday, August 11, 2006


T's cw has been saying she needs to come to our home to see T. She usually saw him during birthparent visits but since his bmom is in jail, she hasn't seen him in months. It was also important for her to come by because we needed to sign a piece of paper called Memorandum of Understanding. Basically, it states what bmom wants us to do if she voluntarily relinquishes her rights. Unfortunately (or fortunately - depending on your viewpoint) it is inadmissible in court as it would be seen as coercion. After the adoption, if we do not do what she's asked, there's nothing she can do about it. She cannot take us to court over it.

We certainly plan on following through with her requests as we feel they may be beneficial for T. As he is 6 years old and has had a relationship with her all this time, it will be a hard adjustment for him to know that he is not going to see her anymore. That is why we do not have a problem with a "goodbye visit." It will give him closure.

He has already had so much taken away from him - being moved from foster home to foster home. He will see this has having yet another thing taken away which is why we are going to provide a P.O. box for her to correspond with him if she wishes.

We will be reading anything that she sends and will not allow him to see anything that we feel will hurt him in any way. We will also be reading anything that he wants to send to her and will censor any "identifying" information - name of his school or sports team, address or phone number, etc.

If there comes a time when he does not want to correspond with her, we will not force him to. If he does not want to see anything she sends, we will put it away so that he can have it at a later date if he wishes.

Other than that......he should be adopted by the end of the year!!! I can't believe it! I can't believe I'm so happy about it when a few months ago I didn't even know if it was something I wanted anymore.

We've had quite a turbulent two years. I think we deserve a little happiness.


shannon said...

This is my first visit to the blog. I think that your attitude re: the birth mother and T's attachment to her. I think the goodbye visit is a great idea.
As an adoptee, I can say that I think you being willing to allow contact, with no identifying information as well as not forcing it if T doesn't want it, is a very giving and wonderful thing. I wish I had those options.

~ bridgette ~ said...


Thanks for commenting. Since T already has a relationship with his birthmother (even though he doesn't ever remember living with her) it would be very difficult for him to cut all ties with her. Believe me, I would much rather not have to deal with her at all but I have to think of T. I need to have a clear conscience. I don't want to explain to T as an adult why we didn't allow him to have contact with her.